


somewhere between a blessing and a curse

by pwarkie



Series: ##00fftober [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, I did not plan this, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Light Angst, M/M, Mentioned Huang Ren Jun, Mentioned Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Mentioned Park Jisung (NCT), Mentions of Violence, but it turned out actually pretty good, idk how to tag this, im proud of me, mentions of bullying, uhh jaemin is deaf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-22 20:22:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20880125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pwarkie/pseuds/pwarkie
Summary: blessing \ ˈble-siŋ \ n.— a thing conducive to happiness or welfarecurse \ ˈkərs \ n.— a cause of great harm or misfortune





	somewhere between a blessing and a curse

**Author's Note:**

> 00fftober day 3: blessing & curse  
unbeta'd, again, what's new  
and also five (!!!) days late oops
> 
> title from blessing & curse by angaleena presley
> 
> there's no (vocal) conversation here, all dialogues are done through KSL

Jaemin loves taking photos. It was the only way of expressing his feelings that he knows of. Sure, he can write, but he never knew how to use this to his advantage. He has a way with words that would surely make everyone swoon, but he never had the confidence to do so. He can also dance but, once again, he doesn’t have the confidence to do so.

His only way of expression is photography. It doesn’t require him to talk unless he has a model and it only requires minimum movement, which is why he prefers photography over everything else. Jaemin loves how he can be absolutely himself when he’s taking photos. Bright and carefree, not giving a single damn in the world. It makes him feel as if everything and everyone has disappeared from the face of the Earth, everything including every single judging look he has received when he was growing up.

You see, Jaemin isn’t seen as a normal person from where he came from. I mean, he _looks _normal and he _acts _normal, so I don’t see the problem here. But apparently, people in his town aren’t used to people who can’t hear nor speak. Nope, they’re not used to people like Jaemin. And although he has already moved to a different place, to a city where nobody knows him, Jaemin still can’t help but remember all of the pushes and shoves and glares he has gotten over the years.

There are days when Jaemin sees being deaf as a blessing. Like today, for example, his best friends are being idiots again and as much as he loves them, they could be pretty embarrassing. Renjun and Donghyuck are arguing over who gets the last piece of _ Hawaiian _pizza and are probably being Very Loud about it, not that Jaemin can hear them or anything but by the looks of it, it looks like they’re going to wrestle soon. So he scoots over, very subtly, to the next booth and he pretends that he’s never seen the two boys in his entire life. Ever.

Once he was sure that he wouldn’t be associated with his best friends, he looks ahead and notices that he has crashed someone’s birthday celebration. Well, it didn’t actually look like a celebration, per se. It lacked balloons and party hats but they have cake and drinks so he’ll applaud them for that. He immediately looks down, but he feels everyone’s eyes boring at him and he’s starting to sense the heat rising up his cheeks and ears. He notices someone sit beside him and passes him a note. Jaemin takes the piece of paper from the person and he opens it.

> It reads, _ hi r u ok :( _

Jaemin finally looks up at the stranger beside him and oh- that’s not a stranger. The boy beside him is none other than Lee Jeno, their university’s golden boy and the boy who lives right across Jaemin’s apartment. They’ve known each other since the day Jaemin moved in, but the younger boy kept his distance from Jeno because he wasn’t on the same level as the crescent-eyed boy.

He smiles softly at the boy and nods. "Are you sure?" Jeno signs. _ Oh_, he forgot that the boy learned KSL at the beginning of their (very) short friendship. Jaemin nods again and signs, "I’m fine, don’t worry about me. I’m sorry for crashing your celebration, though. Whatever it was."

He sees Jeno chuckle. "No, no. It’s fine, I was getting kind of bored anyway"_, _ the boy tells him and smiles. "Do you wanna come with me while I ditch these drunkards?"

Oh so they were drinking, Jaemin thinks to himself. To Jeno, he says, "Yeah, I’d like to ditch my friends too." He makes a mental note reminding himself to give Renjun and Donghyuck the biggest hugs when he sees them the next day.

And that’s how they ended up in front of the Han River, taking photos of each other just because they had nothing else to do. They were having so much fun, they didn’t even realise that the sun is already setting and the day is now coming to an end. Jaemin takes one last photo of Jeno and then decides to sit on the grass to watch the sunset. The older takes a seat beside him and not-so-subtly admires the boy next to him. He’s not worried about being caught by the younger because Jaemin was so enamored by the sunset that if Jeno leaves him alone, the boy won’t even notice.

He does catch the boy’s attention though, but Jaemin just smiles at him and signs, "Why are you looking at me like that? Is there something on my face or-"

He gets cut off by Jeno, who was vigorously shaking his head. Jaemin must’ve shown his confusion on his face because he started to say something, but he gets cut off too, not by Jaemin, but by Jaemin’s phone. The younger smiles apologetically at him and stands to answer whoever decided to call him while he was having a moment with Lee Jeno.

There are also days when Jaemin considers being deaf as a curse. Today is also one of those days. Renjun and Donghyuck were calling him because they didn’t notice that he left them at the pizza place. He hates how his friends are used to him being invisible that they don’t even realise that he’s gone. He takes down his mental reminder to hug them both and replaces it with a reminder to kick them in the shins for ruining what could possibly be a cute moment with Jeno. He bids them goodbye, waving at the phone screen that displays his two best friends who were bickering once again. He takes a deep breath as he turns his phone off before walking back to where he and Jeno were sitting.

"Is everything okay?" is what greets him once he gets back. Worry is etched on the older boy’s face and Jaemin finds it endearing. He smiles at him as an attempt to erase the boy’s worries, but Jeno only frowns more.

"Yes, everything’s fine. My friends were just worried because the didn’t realise I left", he tells him. Jeno nods in understanding, his mouth slightly open as if he was saying ‘ahhhh’.

_ You never answered my question though _, Jaemin signs. The former’s eyes widen and Jaemin thought for sure he saw panic in the boy’s eyes but it was gone as soon as it appeared so maybe Jaemin just imagined it.

"Oh, right", Jeno says. "Okay, to answer your question, I was looking at you like that because I like you. I’ve always liked you, ever since you moved in. I was really glad that we were starting to become friends but then you distanced yourself from me, and I thought maybe I was doing something wrong. But my friends told me that I didn’t do anything wrong and maybe it was just a you problem." Jeno pauses and looks at Jaemin, whose eyes were brimming with tears. He breathes in and moves closer towards the younger, wiping his tears away.

He continues, "Hence, the celebration. It wasn't anyone's birthday, they were just celebrating me trying to move on from you. But then you suddenly show up, and everything in my mind has gone haywire, and perhaps I still like you, even if you tried to stay away from me without giving me any reason." He looks at Jaemin again, and this time, the boy looked like he has something on his mind. "Do you need to say something?" he asks, to which the younger boy nodded.

He tells Jaemin to go ahead because he was done anyway and sees the boy take in a deep breath before starting to sign. "Your friends are right, you didn’t do anything wrong. It was all me. I kept my distance because I know we weren’t on the same level. You’re Lee Jeno, for fuck’s sake, you’re the golden boy of our university, while I’m merely just a deaf boy. You can’t be seen with someone like me. I don’t want you to get hurt because of me."

"Jaemin, what do you mean?" he sees Jeno ask.

"I...I’ve had people bully me before. The people from my town, they… They’re not used to people like me." Jaemin can feel himself shaking, he takes a deep breath before continuing. "Everything and everyone there are like constants, and those are what they consider as normal. So when I came along, not being able to speak or to hear them, I was treated differently. And they made sure to make me feel everything." He pauses, realising that his tears have started to fall. He feels Jeno put an arm around him. Jaemin turns to look at the boy, who was smiling softly at him. He sends him a small but genuine smile before he continues.

"They didn’t call me names or anything, not that I know of. And no, they didn’t physically hurt me, it was way worse than that. But they knew of my weakness, they knew that I would do anything for my little brother. He’s the only person I have, and they knew that. They hit me where it hurt the most. They...they beat him up. They beat him until he wasn’t able to walk, crawl, or even get up. They texted me to let me know, even sent a picture of him lying on the concrete floor. I came as soon as I could, only to see him lifeless on the ground." He feels Jeno tense up but with the memories coming back to him, he couldn’t bring himself to stop. "I tried to bring him to the hospital but it was too late. He’s gone. And it’s all my fault, Jeno. I don’t want that to happen to you too."

Jeno didn’t say or do anything. He just sat there, holding Jaemin in his arms like he was the most precious thing in the world. And to Jeno, he really is. He didn’t know how much pain one person can take, but he does know that this boy doesn’t deserve all the shit he’s gone through. He’s not going to let that happen anymore. He looks at Jaemin and finds the boy staring at him like he still has something else to say. "What is it?" Jeno asks.

Jaemin smiles at him, wider this time. "I just want to say thank you for listening to me. And for staying, even though what I did to you was a huge dick move. I like you a lot, Jeno. I’m sorry if I tried to push you away."

Jeno takes Jaemin’s hand in his, rubbing circles with his thumb. "It’s fine, we’re fine now, aren’t we?" Jaemin nods. The older stands up, pulling Jaemin up with his one hand and carrying the younger’s camera on the other.

Jeno was about to say something when Jaemin begins signing again. "Jisung was the one that made me get into photography, he was my first model. He always supported me, he even said that he’ll always be my number 1 fan. So when all of that happened, I couldn’t bring myself to even look at my camera. He was my everything." Tears start falling from his eyes. "I wanted to stop altogether, but Renjun and Hyuck told me it wouldn’t be what he wanted. And they were right. So I went back to photography, it became my go-to activity when I miss him. I miss him so much."

Jeno grabs his hand and smiles at him. "I’m sure your brother would be very happy, knowing you’re still doing what you love. If he could see you right now, he’d be so, so proud of you, Jaemin." He sees Jaemin tearing up (again), and he panics. "Oh no, did I say something wrong? Fuck, I’m sorry." But the younger only hugs him, nuzzling his head against Jeno’s neck.

Once they pull away, Jaemin starts signing, "You didn’t do anything wrong", letting out the cutest giggle Jeno has ever heard. "I’m just glad I’m here with you right now, talking about something very close to my heart. Thank you, Jeno." The way Jaemin smiles at him is enough to send his brain into absolute chaos and his heart to beat faster than Lightning McQueen.

So he does what every normal panicking gay person would do, "So you like me, huh?" he tells Jaemin, a smirk gracing his face. The younger boy’s eyes widen as he hits him, face getting red by the minute. Jeno laughs, making up his mind. He’s going to make this boy the happiest until his last breath. "I promise you, Jaemin, what happened in the past won’t ever happen here. I’ll make sure of it and I will protect you no matter what happens." Jeno intertwines his fingers with the younger’s and brings it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on Jaemin’s hand.

**Author's Note:**

> jisung baby im so sorry  
um Yeah, i'd like to thank my friends (especially gellie, ur mind is so Big it amazes me) and uhh Yeah 👍🏽👍🏽 i might rewrite this when i feel like it teehee
> 
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